Jacqueline Stone
This year marks 20 years since my sweet, funny, dearly-loved uncle died.
Feels like yesterday. Feels like a lifetime ago.
I can’t not smile remembering his laugh. And it’s hard to think of him laughing without thinking of Dad at the same time. To me they looked quite different, but I could also see their uncanny resemblance, and how it was that he and Dad were always mistaken for one another.
“I don’t want this to be my story,” says my client. They don’t want to ‘go there’. Caution and respect are critical. But we have to ‘go there’. We have to get to the trauma to heal.
Counselling and therapy yield relief and understanding, but for many it is a steady, challenging process. We are self protective and inclined to avoid pain, so it can take time and effort to build enough strength and safety to approach pain and deal with it.
I had an unforgettable therapy session with a client some years ago. This was a long-term client for whom seeing a counsellor, indeed the whole realm of emotions, was foreign. He just knew he needed to reduce his stress and anxiety levels.
He would sit upright and alert but always look at ease. He was never phased by his high-pressure executive responsibilities. He was just as smart and amiable as he looked.
His intermittent panic, anxiety and confusion would be a surprise to anyone — as much of a surprise as they were to himself.
Now he sat forward and peered at me as he recounted his weekend…
This is the single most effective intervention for people plagued with a host of negative stress outcomes. It is also the simplest and most accessible.
The downside is that it is one of those annoying things that we know is good for us but we don’t do it. Or we do it a bit sometimes.
So really the thing itself is no secret at all. What is secret is how damned effective it is.
You can’t rid your life of stress.
You can perhaps reduce it and learn to better manage it. But in varying degrees, stress is here to stay.
Part of dealing with it is looking after your body. It cannot withstand being under pressure for prolonged periods. You know your own body’s telltale signs of too much stress. Is it headaches? Heartburn? Constipation or irritable bowel? Bung neck or back?