This year marks 20 years since my sweet, funny, dearly-loved uncle died.
Feels like yesterday. Feels like a lifetime ago.
I can’t not smile remembering his laugh. And it’s hard to think of him laughing without thinking of Dad at the same time. To me they looked quite different, but I could also see their uncanny resemblance, and how it was that he and Dad were always mistaken for one another.
“I don’t want this to be my story,” says my client. They don’t want to ‘go there’. Caution and respect are critical. But we have to ‘go there’. We have to get to the trauma to heal.
Counselling and therapy yield relief and understanding, but for many it is a steady, challenging process. We are self protective and inclined to avoid pain, so it can take time and effort to build enough strength and safety to approach pain and deal with it.
I had an unforgettable therapy session with a client some years ago. This was a long-term client for whom seeing a counsellor, indeed the whole realm of emotions, was foreign. He just knew he needed to reduce his stress and anxiety levels.
He would sit upright and alert but always look at ease. He was never phased by his high-pressure executive responsibilities. He was just as smart and amiable as he looked.
His intermittent panic, anxiety and confusion would be a surprise to anyone — as much of a surprise as they were to himself.
Now he sat forward and peered at me as he recounted his weekend…
Here is a rare combination – The Brain that Changes Itself is both an international bestseller and a book about neuroscience.
It’s successful because Doidge writes about science using compelling human stories. It has broad appeal. It lends itself to dipping in and choosing the chapters that look interesting to you.
Yes, anxiety can be a problem, potentially a debilitating one at that. However, I’m suggesting that how we perceive it and react to it, is what really deserves our attention.
Anxiety is basically a degree of distress that arises when you anticipate some threat or danger. It primes your fight, flight or freeze reaction.
This reaction is one of survival. It makes it possible to jump out of the path of oncoming traffic, flee from an attacker or freeze at the sight of a snake. A thumping heart, tightness in the chest, knots in the stomach and dizziness may occur as part of the reaction – all of which are signs of the body’s preparation to act to survive. Likewise, there’s a switch from any reflective thinking or planning to intense do-or-die thoughts.